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Lurchibald Bungvili

Lurchibald Deuteronimus Bungvili is a private citizen of Santarabureg, Kasvrisavarsk who came to "fame" during the 314AP Winter VexGames in Chemphi. Bungvili was involved in several misadventures coincidentally involving the Somerish VexGames team, earning himself several nicknames in the process:

"Clerical Terrorist" Edit

Bungvili took a position as volunteer intern in the Chemphi 314 Timing and Scoring Office, and was responsible for several mistakes in the release of Winter VexGames results involving Somerish athletes, causing great indignation in Somery and embarrassment to the Organizing Committee in the early going of the event. 

He subsequently had his office position revoked and was reassigned to snow shoveling duties on the VexGamesCampus.

"Snow Shovel Snarer" Edit

An unfortunate incident occurred early morning of Day 7 of the Games on the VexGames Campus, as Somerish Freestyle Skier Ell Kinawyre, one of the co-favorites for a medal in the Women’s Moguls, was departing from her quarters to the competition venue.  As Kinawyre was walking to the transfer van in the parking lot, she tripped and fell over a snow shovel that was laying on the floor, partially obscured by new snowfall.

Kinawyre sustained a sprained wrist and seemed confused after the fall, and was taken to the nearby hospital by the Vexilliad Ambulance Service as a precaution, unfortunately rendering her unable to participate in today’s Women’s Moguls contest.  Kinawyre was soon released from hospital care, and went on to compete in the Women’s Aerials competition on February 6.

A review of the security camera footage taken around the area in question the night before the incident revealed that the VexGames staff member responsible for leaving behind the snow shovel that resulted in the injury of Somerish Freestyle Skier Ell Kinawyre was none other than the same man who has become known as the “Clerical Terrorist”: Lurchibald Bungvili.

Security camera footage shows Bungvili shoveling snow for a while, before being distracted by something off-camera, and swiftly exiting the area, leaving behind the snow shovel laying on the ground.  Fast-forwarding through the recording then revealed that the shovel was partially covered by new snowfall throughout the night, rendering it practically invisible to the casual observer, which prompted the injurious incident the next morning.  

Bungvili admitted his mistake, and was inconsolable, apologizing profusely to Kinawyre and the Organizing Committee, prompting the Somerish athlete to defer pressing any charges against him.  “It was an honest mistake, and it wouldn’t be in the Vexilliadic Spirit to punish this hapless bloke” said one Somerish official on behalf of Kinawyre.

Bungvili was subsequently reassigned to canteen duty, scraping grill grease and flipping burgers.

"Burger Bungler" Edit

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Lurchibald Bungvili, pictured inside the VexGames Campus Canteen.

A couple of days later, the Somerish Women’s Short Track Relay team had to forego competing in the Games, as the quartet of Caetlys Tiller, Rowys Tillian, Enys Sollish and Drewyllys Wist were kept up all night with an unbecoming stomach bug that had them “wear out the short track between their hotel beds and toilet bowls all night” as one official put it - not the kind of Short Track event they were looking forward to, no doubt.  

Dehydrated and exhausted, the Somerish team was forced to withdraw from Day 10 competition with the hope to recover by the time the Women’s Individual Short Track events resume on the following Tuesday.

“I don’t know what happened!  Ever since we had those burgers at the canteen last night, it’s just been coming out both ends.  Excuse me...” said a disappointed Enys Sollish, before darting off in the direction of the nearest relief station.

“This is pretty clearly a case of moderate food poisoning, and we are trying to ascertain whether it was an act of sabotage, or simply gross.  Gross negligence, I mean.  Certainly this should not be happening, and is very unfortunate for the Somerish team.” said Chemphi 314 Chief of Catering, Stanislav Wegetarian.

An investigation into the food poisoning incident that sidelined the entire Somerish Women’s Short Track Relay team revealed that the burgers they consumed the day before at the VexGames Campus Canteen came from a stock tainted with the b.vili bacterium.  The package of putrid burgers had been set aside, clearly marked for immediate disposal by catering supervisors, but mistakenly used by a staff member when preparing the meals of the Somerish team.

The staff member responsible was eventually found to be none other than the same individual who had already made an international spectacle of himself by causing several embarrassing incidents coincidentally all involving the Somerish VexGames team, becoming known as the “Clerical Terrorist” and “Snow Shovel Snarer” - Lurchibald Bungvili - thus earning himself yet another unflattering nickname: the “Burger Bungler”.

Dismissal, House Arrest, Protests and Release Edit

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A large group of peaceful but kinda obnoxious protesters gathered outside the Somerish Consulate in Chemphi to voice their support for the release of Lurchibald Bungvili from house arrest.

Following the food poisoning incident, Bungvili was dismissed from his Chemphi 314 Volunteer Staff duties, formally charged with Negligent Endangerment and Malfeasant Grossness, and placed under house arrest until he was to stand trial on these charges after the conclusion of the IV.th Games of the Winter Vexilliad.

“After what happened surrounding this infelicitous bloke, we think it’s best to keep him locked away from any opportunity to get into more calamity for now.  He has caused enough maelstrom and embarrassing hullaballoo at these Games, and we can all rest easier for now - knowing that he is contained.”  said local Chemphi Authorities Spokesperson Svetlana Notalešbian.

After news emerged that he had been charged and placed under house arrest, a steadily growing group of protesters began gathering in front of the Somerish Consulate in Downtown Chemphi to voice their objection to the detention, and to support Bungvili’s immediate release.

Demonstrators were seen carrying signs and snow shovels, chanting a chorus of “We are appalled! Free Lurchibald!”, leaving Somerish officials at the Consulate befuddled as to how they figured into the equation.  “I know this bloke’s blunders involved Somerish athletes, but there is really  nothing WE can do from our side, so I am not sure what these people are doing out here” said one Consular Officer questioned by media while outside on a smoke break.  Undeterred, crowds there continued to grow throughout the day. Meanwhile, a local court set Bungvili’s bail at Z 10,000 RealmsZaster.

The movement to support his release steadily gained momentum since the announcement of his detention, and within a day his supporters handed over the Z 10,000 RealmsZaster bail required for his temporary release.  The funds had been assembled in an impromptu collection taken by well-wishers.  Bungvili was released from house arrest promptly.  News of his release prompted cheers and celebrations among the protesters gathered outside the Somerish Consulate. An overwhelmed Bungvili under tears of joy thanked his supporters for the outpouring of goodwill towards him, but the mood in the Somerish VexGames Team was reported to be one of “unease and fidgety vigilace” upon learning of Bungvili’s release.

"Granny Guardian" Edit

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Somery’s “Groovy Granny”, here pictured before attending the Somery vs. Jilnovia Ice Hockey match at the 314 Winter Vexilliad.

After a quiet day, Lurchibald Bungvili is back in the news on Day 16, involved in another unusual episode involving his persona, as he single-handedly rescued an elderly lady from a burning VexGames Campus Dormitory Bungalow.

The elderly lady has been identified as Shonideagh Maughn (age 78) of Somery, well-known to Somerish sports fans and athletes as “The Groovy Granny” who accompanies Somerish sports teams to various worldwide events as a “living mascot” and is often seen dancing and acting as a cheerleader to the Somerish fans, leading chants of “Forth yontee, Somery!” (which roughly translates as "Forward, carry through, Somery").

Granny had retired to bed for the night when unbeknownst to her, the fire broke out inside her Bungalow room.  “I brought along my heated bed pan from Somery, and evidently there was some kind of short circuit” explained Granny later,  “When I woke up, there was smoke everywhere, couldn’t see a thing.  So I said to myself, this is it!  I’m a goner... dead meat,... toast,... worm bait,... kaput...!  But then this nice young man came out of nowhere and pulled me to safety.”

The fire had broken out at approximately ten minutes past midnight, quickly spread through Granny’s large collection of highly flammable powdered wigs,  and was eventually noticed by the circumambulating Bungvili.  “Dude.  Uhm, I ran out of pork rinds, so I went to the Midnight Mart to get some, and was kinda walking back, and stuff, and I saw this here dwelling on fire. Someone inside was, like, hollering for help.  Yeah.  So didn’t think much, and just hopped on in there, to get that lady out... or something.” recollected a wheezing Bungvili, covered with soot... and pork rind crumbs.

Clemency, Citizen's Medal Award, and Toilet Edit

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Bungvili receiving the “Byrgir-Medalye” from Kirana Saavili

Following his unlikely heroics the day before, rescuing “The Groovy Granny” from a blazing inferno - which now earned him yet another nickname, Kasvria & Savarai HoSt Kirana Saävili issued clemency to Lurchibald Bungvili, expunging all charges against him, and commending him for his heroism in a short public ceremony where he was awarded the “Byrgir-Medalye” - the “Citizens’ Medal”, one of the highest civil awards of the City of Chemphi, as well as a medium-sized basket brimming with fine charcuterie.  

Several thousand people cheered the impromptu function, some arguing the medal should be added to Kasvria & Savarai’s C314 Medal Standings total.

“Lurchibald did what he does best - to “not think too much” - and for his actions we owe him gratitude for averting tragedy at these Games” said Saävili, with a wink.

Later that day, Lurchibald Bungvili inadvertently flushed the “Citizens’ Medal” he only received hours before down a latrine inside the Ullereen Stadium, as he was preparing to leave the venue. As Bungvili explained, “So like... I was just zipping up, and stuff, and then, uhm, that automatic flush thingy went off and I was like, Whoa!!  Dude!!  What‘s that?  ... And then the medal fell off my jacket, and right into the bowl.  And it’s, you know..., gone.”  

“Yeah.  Bummer, man, bummer.  Gone.”

Subsequent Rumored Sightings Edit

Since the 314AP Winter VexGames, Bungvili has been rumored to have been involved with additional incidents of bungled results and standings publications of various sporting events around Vexillium, although these rumors are likely due to urban legend. Or are they?

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